How Old Bella REALLY Is
by Sara811
Summary: It's Bella's 102 birthday, or is it. Silly one-shot about a debate between Emmett and Bella over her REAL age. 18 or 102, you can find out, if you read.:D


**A/N- Hey everyone! This is a short story I wrote a couple weeks ago on a car ride to my cousin's house. I know Bella's birthday isn't for a few more days but I know that there will be a surge of Bella birthday stories and I don't want to be part of the crowd. ;D**

**This story is dedicated to a friend I met on Fanfiction, .xox.heart. Her B-day was yesterday so this is her present. :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't actually own the Twilight characters; I just stereotype them so I can make up funny situations that they could be in and their reactions. :D**

**Wow, I'm really happy I just used three smiley faces! :D (Make that 4)**

"Happy Birthday to you, you're a hundred and two, you are a vampire and I am one too!"

I rolled my eyes; we went through this every year.

"Emmett, for the 84th time, I'm 18 and I always will be. By the way you're song isn't vey original this year."

"What! Do you want me to sing it in French?" He asked. "Joyeux anniversaire, vous êtes cent-deux, vous êtes un vampire, et j'ai un aussi! I can do Spanish too! Feliz cumpleaños, -"

"Emmett, I don't care how many different languages you can sing to me in. It doesn't change the fact that I will never be any number of years old that you can think of besides 18!"

"No your not, you've lived for a hundred and two years."

"Emmett technically I haven't been living for the last 80 some years, and neither have you."

"What ever, you've _existed_ for a hundred and two years so that's how old you are."

"But, birthdays measure how many years you have been _living_ since your birth. So there I'm 18 and I always will be."

"nuh-uh!"

"yeah-huh"

"nuh-uh"

"Yeah-huh!"

"nuh-uh!"

"YEAH-HUH!"

"What are you two arguing about now?" Edward asked as he walked in to the room. "You know, you're not setting a very good example for Renesmee. You should be glad she's with Alice shopping."

"Edward, she's 83 years old now, you need to stop treating her like a baby."

"_Yeah_!"

"Shut up Emmett."

"So, what were you two arguing about?"

"The same as every year."

Edward rolled his eyes.

"So, Eddie-poo, how old do _you_ think I am?" I said as seductively as I could. This trick worked every time.

"You're 18 and always will be. You'll always be perfectly, beautifully, amazingly, gloriously 18…"

"Okay Edward, that's enough. We know how much you love Bella. We've all had to listen for 80 some years now." He added under his breath. I smacked him in the arm for his comment.

"Ouch! What was that for?" he shouted.

I just glared. He knew perfectly well what I hit him for.

"Why don't you two settle this? You both have had more than a hundred years of life experiences. I think you two would be over this kind of stuff by now." Edward suggested.

"Fine, we will settle this, once and for all. We'll ask everyone for their opinion."

"Fine" Emmett agreed.

All three of us sped off to the kitchen.

"Hey Esme, were you listening to our conversation?" I asked.

"Not so much listening as I just heard." She answered.

"Anyways, who do you think is right me, or Emmett?"

"I think you can be whatever age you want to be Bella." Esme said lovingly.

I gave her a tight hug.

"Thanks Esme!"

And all three of us sprinted up the stairs to talk to Carlisle.

"Carlisle, is Bella 18 or 102?"

"Neither, I believe every person has existed since the dawn of time, Bella has only been in her corporal form for 102 years though."

We all stared blankly at him. We all had multiple college degrees and still didn't have a clue what he meant.

"Let me explain it to you…"

"No Carlisle, that's okay, really! You don't have to tell us." He all cut him off simultaneously. Carlisle's lectures on the order of the universe lasted for days and days and days. Once you got him started, he couldn't be stopped.

"Well, if you ever want to know about it, you know where to find me." he said as he returned to reading the large leather-bound book on his desk.

We all left Carlisle's office as quickly as we could. None of us wanted a lecture. On the way down the stairs we ran down the stairs we ran into Rosalie.

"Hey Rose!" I said. "How old do you think I am? 18 or a 102 as you're dufus of a husband here says.

"Ummm…sorry Bella, but I have to agree with Emmett on this one. One, because you stole my favorite white sweater last month and spilled blood on it when you went hunting and two, because I am the only one who is allowed to call Emmett a dufus."

"Oh, come-on Rose! That spot is microscopic; no human would be able to see it! And it's not like I was lying when I said he was a dufus so I'm not calling him anything, I'm merely describing him."

"Yeah, but _I_ can see the spot. But I'm not changing my answer. Although, I guess you are right about calling, I mean describing, Emmett as a dufus."

"Hey! I thought you were on my side!" Emmett accused.

"Whatever dufus!" Rose shouted and continued up the stairs.

Just then the front door opened as Alice and Renesmee walked in with their arms loaded with shopping bags. A very weary looking Jasper followed after them, carrying yet more shopping bags that were over flowing with purchases.

"Hey guys!" Emmett shouted. "Bella and I are asking everyone how old they think Bella is. I say she is 102 because that is how many years she was existed and Bella says she is 18 because that is how many years she has lived."

"Oh you're definitely 18 Bella!" Alice said. "I know that flowery grandmother was the style a few years ago but really, who wants to be _old_." she shuddered at the word like it was a curse.

"Thanks Alice, I knew that you'd be on my side!"

"I did too, what's new?" Alice retorted with a smirk.

"Renesmee, what do you think?" Emmett asked.

"I think that you people should leave me alone! Ugh! I was having a perfectly good time with Alice and you two have to ruin it with your silly bickering. I thought you were suppose to be _responsible_ parents and _care_ about your child." And with that, she stormed up stairs and several seconds later, her door slamming shook the whole house.

I looked at Edward; he looked about ready to cry if he could, positively heartbroken.

"It's okay Edward, I'm sure she didn't mean what she said. Really honey, she loves you so very much, we all do." I said to comfort him.

"I didn't know half-vamps could PMS." Emmett said. I smacked him sharply on the shoulder with a blow that probably would have killed a human.

"It's just a _stage_, Emmett. She'll get over it. It all comes from growing up to fast; she never had time to vent all her anger in her toddler years through tantrums."

"What ever, you just got that from some parenting book." He muttered.

"I did not!"

"You did to!"

"Did not!"

"Did to!"

"DID NOT!"

"WOULD YOU TWO STOP IT!!" Jasper screamed from the floor where he was rocking back and forth in the fetal position.

We all stopped and stared at him. Alice dropped on to her knees and tried to comfort Jasper.

"All of the competitiveness and the angsty-teenager feelings from Renesmee are going to make me explode! I have the strange urge to play chess against myself and complain all the while about how unfair life is!!"

"Oh Jasper it's going to be all right" Alice crooned while the rest of us broke out in hysterics, the subject of my age forgotten.

**A/N- So, how did you like it? Obviously, this isn't one of my finer works. And I think I have a couple things to clear up.**

**One, No I don't really think Renesmee is a bratty, angsty teenager. That was purely for comedic effect (like many other things in this story).**

**Two, Pardon my French, literally. Where Emmett is singing his song in French, which is probably way wrong as I was basing that entirely off of what Babel Fish told me and my limited knowledge of French from three weeks of French 1 class. :D**

**Hope you enjoyed, and please review!**


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